Three alternate endings to "The Odyssey":

1: Odysseus pops his head out from under the sheepskin seconds too early, to check for cyclopses. Squishing ensues.

2: After 10 years of plying the ocean, he takes a bath, and dies.

3: The ship runs out of food. Odysseus eats everyone, then gnaws his own leg off, before running aground. He starts a new kingdom where no man can have more than three limbs.